Castle With a Face

(Parody of Castle on a Cloud from Les Miserables)

There is a castle with a face
I like its shocked look of surprise
Aren’t any lids to close its eyes
Not in my castle with a face.
Toy castle tower with two windows that look like wide eyes, over a wider window that looks like a gaping mouth. A crenellated balcony forms a jutting jaw.
There is a tower all upset
Holds court to grumble and to fret,
With hard-set jaw and an angry brow,
He says to all, “I see you want a row!”
I know a toy that looks at me,
I know a toy that interacts.
Toys that interact are pretty ace,
Just like my castle with a face.
Opposite tower of the castle with an extra piece that looks like an angry brow. Speech bubble says, "You'd be upset too, if you'd been de-moated at work!"

Bear With Me

If you go up to your trailer today
You’re sure of a big surprise.
If you go up to your trailer today
You’ll never believe your eyes.
For everything from counters to plugs
Has turned to bears - yes, even your rugs!
For today’s the day the Wizard Bears get their revenge!

Revenge day for all the bears.
All of the forest bears are tired of being chased away.
Watch them, catch them unaware,
And see them ruining your holiday.
See them changing things about
They’re adding ears and snouts,
But never mind, don't despair...
At twelve o’clock their magical chaos will wholly disappear
Along with all the little Wizard Bears.
Electrical box that looks like a bear face. Ears and snout have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "That's what you get for trying to keep bears out of campgrounds."

Canada, In a Nutshell

(Parody of Life in a Nutshell by Barenaked Ladies)

“We are not free!”
They’re screaming from a hot tub by the main gate
It seems to me
There was never any need for them to demonstrate.
‘Cause there are no mandates, just maybe some RATs,
They should be happy, but they want combat, so
It’s never enough, it’s never enough.
No, it’s never enough.

I think we need to worry ‘bout the things that other people say,
And I’m learning that disinfo has an awful lot of sway,
Call me alarmist, but it really doesn’t matter,
All that matters to me is we.

Our lives, in a nutshell.
People, out there trying to change them.
It could be easy, if
We don’t pay attention to them.
To them.

They memorized all the lies that certain politicians spout
Think Trudeau’s a fraud, and organized a nasty coup to take him out.
Our system is balanced, and it has checks,
We’re number six on World Freedom Index, but still,
It’s never enough, it’s never enough, 
No, it’s never enough.

I think we need to worry ‘bout the things that other people say,
And I’m learning that disinfo has an awful lot of sway,
Call me alarmist, but it really doesn’t matter,
All that matters to me is we.

Our lives, in a nutshell.
People, out there trying to change them.
It could be easy, if
We don’t pay attention to them.
To them.

We could fall down, if no one’s there to catch us from falling.
We must come round
‘Cause only with effort can we be forestalling the fascists.
I'm scared, eh, and that’s why

Our lives, in a nutshell.
People, out there trying to change them.
It could be easy, if
We don’t pay attention to them.
To them.

I think we need to worry ‘bout the things that other people say,
And I’m learning that disinfo has an awful lot of sway,
Call me alarmist, but it really doesn’t matter,
All that matters to me is we.
Red maple leaf with two marks that look like eyes above a vein forming an angry mouth. Angry eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Leaf me out of your protests. I'm already strong and free."

Another Song Parrot-y

I thought that birds belonged to other men
‘Cause each time I got close,
They’d fly away again.

I feared their wings would beat and they would flee,
I faced the nights alone
Oh, how could I have known
That all my life I only needed tools?

Oh there are parrot’s eyes,
They’re lookin’ out from my tool wall 
There are parrot’s eyes
And now I’m in their thrall.
I swear that I can see forever in its eyes
Parrot’s eyes.
Picture of the handle of a saw that looks like a blue parrot with a hole for an eye. A beak has been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "I hate these song parodies. They're toucan fusing."

May the Fourth Be With You

Coffee maker with an open lid that look like Darth Vader's helmet. Text boxes read, "How does Darth Vader take his coffee?" "A little on the dark side."

It’s Star Wars Day, So Call Me, Maybe

A princess stole some intel
Got caught, but she’ll never tell
Vader locked her in a cell
But the droids got away,
Trying to find Obi-Wan,
Luke helps them and they move on,
They hire Chewie and Han,
And now they’re on their way.

The ship was docking,
Princess Leia’s mocking,
Shots fired, Han’s fast talking,
“Situation normal,” says he.

Hey, this is Star Wars, in all its glory
“Force be with you,” Yoda says, “May the”
There’s Ewoks, Porgs, and, a big Wookiee,
“Force be with you,” Yoda says, “May the”
Hey, this is Star Wars, in all its glory
“Force be with you,” Yoda says, “May the”
R2 and Threepio, are droids like BB,
“Force be with you,” Yoda says, “May the”

Princess Leia shot the wall,
A garbage monster they brawl, 
Old Obi Wan takes a fall,
But the rest get away.
With the rebels they plot
To use a weakness they spot
They need just one lucky shot,
To blow the Death Star away.

All ships undocking
Death Star size is shocking,
Targets now are locking,
But it’s not that easy.

Hey, this is Star Wars, in all its glory
“Force be with you,” Yoda says, “May the”
There’s Ewoks, Porgs, and, a big Wookiee,
“Force be with you,” Yoda says, “May the”
Hey, this is Star Wars, in all its glory
“Force be with you,” Yoda says, “May the”
R2 and Threepio, are droids like BB,
“Force be with you,” Yoda says, “May the”

Before he thinks to use the Force, Luke misses so bad,
He misses so bad, he misses so, so bad.
Before he thinks to use the Force, Luke misses so bad,
Darth Vader attacks,
Luke misses so, so bad.
(Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad)

Thanks to help from the Force (and Han and Chewie)
He shoots the Death Star, it goes kablooie!

Hey, this is Star Wars, in all its glory
“Force be with you,” Yoda says, “May the”
There’s Ewoks, Porgs, and, a big Wookiee,
“Force be with you,” Yoda says, “May the”
Part of a model trebuchet that looks like Yoda. Speech bubble says, "Force be with you, may the."

For Crying Out Loud!

I’ve been meaning to tell you,
I’ve got this craving that won’t subside
I look at you and I want deep fried
Appies tonight

Now I’ve got you in my sights

It’s those onion eyes
One look at you and I can’t disguise
It’s those onion eyes,
I think how good they’ll taste caramelized

I want to eat you, so hear me out.
I want to show you what cooking’s about,
Darling tonight,

Now I’ve got you in my sights,

It’s those onion eyes
One look at you and I can’t disguise
It’s those onion eyes,
I think how good they’ll taste caramelized

It’s those onion eyes
One look at you and I can’t disguise
It’s those onion eyes,
Did I take you by surprise?

I need you to see,
This meal was meant to be.

It’s those onion eyes
One look at you and I can’t disguise
It’s those onion eyes,
I think how good they’ll taste caramelized

It’s those onion eyes
One look at you and I can’t disguise
It’s those onion eyes,
Did I take you by surprise?

It’s those onion eyes,
Those tasty onion eyes
I’ve got you in my sights.
It’s those onion eyes.

Two sprouted onions sitting above a small bowl, looking like a surprised face.  Long hair has been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Take a hike, you rapscallion!"

Clothes Call

Good evening, everyone and welcome to the auditions for Wardrobe Idol. But before we see what you have to offer, let’s start by introducing our judges:

Simon Cowl

The back of a winter jacket hood. A velcro strap forms a nose and scrunches the top down to make eye sockets. A straight line mouth is doodled in. Speech bubble says, :I'm warning you now, I don't sugarcoat my judgements."

And Colla Abdul!

Picture of a winter coat collar. The zipper makes a smiley mouth under two snaps for eyes. Speech bubble says, "Don't let Simon get you down, I'm sure you'll do great."

Thanks for those words of encouragement, judges. Now, let’s hear it for our first contestant, Armand:

Plaid shirt cuff. Two buttons form eyes, and the pattern makes the mouth. Speech bubbles sings, "Arm in love with the shape of you..."

Thank you, Armand. Let’s hear from the judges:

Simon Cowl face again: Speech bubble says, "Did you even practice? The whole thing sounded very off the cuff."
Colla Abdul picture again. Speech bubble says, "I disagree. It's not every contestant who wears their heart on their sleeve like that."

Thank you judges. Our next contestants are actually a duo. Please welcome the Soulier Twins.

Pair of shoes where openings look like mouths with pointy mustaches. Eyes have been doodled in. Speech bubble from both sings, "I-I-I-I-I I will always love shoe!"

Well, let’s see what the judges think of that entry.

Simon Cowl picture again. Speech bubble says, "Ugh. Just awful. I recommend going sole-o in future."
Colla Abdul again. Speech bubble says, "I disagree. I think you make a great pair."

Ok, thank you for your input, judges. Now on to our final contestant, Hattie Topham.

Fedora-esque summer hat with indentations for eyes and hat band for mouth. Speech bubble sings, "Hat's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it!"
Simon Cowl picture, now with surprised eyebrows. Speech bubble says, "Now hat's more like it. Top marks from me."
Colla Abdul again. Speech bubble says, "You're absolutely ahead of your time!"

Well then folks, looks like we have our winner tonight. Please congratulate our latest Wardrobe Idol: Hattie Topham!

Clocked It

Well you’re the real tough cookie with a long history,
Of winding up yourself like you wind up me.
That’s okay, no need to get ticked off,
Put up your hands, let’s get this kicked off,

Hit me like a punch clock,
Why don’t you hit me like a punch clock,
Hit me like a punch clock,
Fire away!
Clock face with exposed gears that look like a shocked face. Cartoon hands have been doodled in to cover mouth like clock is gasping. Speech bubble says, "You keep using that phrase. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Hoppy Easter

Clock strikes upon the hour
And the sun begins to rise
Still enough time to figure out
Where to put the eggs to hide
I’ve done alright up ‘til now
With the chicks and lambs to help me wow,
But come Easter Eve
It’s all on meeeeee

I wanna prance with some bunny
I wanna hide the eggs with some bunny
Yeah, I wanna prance with some bunny
With some bunny who loves eggs.

I wanna prance with some bunny
I wanna hide the eggs with some bunny
Yeah, I wanna prance with some bunny
With some bunny who loves eggs.

I’ve been all alone, hiding eggs,
Hopping through the town
I spent a long time, just painting eggs,
And I’m kinda feeling down.
I need a friend, who’ll help me out
To paint, and hide, and hop about,
So come Easter Eve,
It’s not all on me.

Oh, I wanna prance with some bunny
I wanna hide the eggs with some bunny
Yeah, I wanna prance with some bunny
With some bunny who loves eggs.

Wooden model kit piece that sort looks like a bunny's head and arms and a wide open mouth. Bunny body has been doodled in, along with Easter basket and eggs. Speech bubble sings, "Every bunny needs some bun to help them!"