Humerus Halloween Jokes

Who is a skeleton’s favourite historical figure?

Napoleon Bone-apart.

A double door with screened openings and scroll work that makes it look like a Dia de los Muertos calavera (decorative skull). Speech bubble says, "Falso! Me, I prefer, Concha Espina."

Ooh, a Spanish pun! I’ll remember that one for my next show. Let’s keep going though, shall we?

What kind of weapons do skeletons always carry?

Shoulder blades.

View inside of a Nerf gun with a skull-shaped piece of green plastic has two screw eyes and a spring for a mouth. Speech bubble says, "I prefer a Win-chest-er rifle, myself."

Uh, well, that’s fair, but I’m not really sure you got the joke. Anyway, moving on…

What does the skeleton do at the hockey game?

Drives the Zam-bone-i.

Hinge on a mustard bottle looks like a yellow skull. Speech bubble says, "That's flesh-ist. I played net. I was great at blocking ghouls!"

Okay, fine, didn’t mean to over-generalize, just trying to make some puns here. Let’s try a different set-up.

Who won the race between the skeleton and the skull?

The skull was just ahead.

Storefront with a square white overhang that looks like a skull, complete with two window "eyes" over a dark bring door area that looks like a gaping mouth. Speech bubble says, "Now that's funny!"

I Saw a Skull

(Parody of Monster Mash)

I was walking home from work late one night,
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
For something in the garden began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

I swear I saw a skull
(I saw a skull) My walk is never dull
(I saw a skull) Is my brain just too full?
(I saw a skull) I swear I saw a skull

It was impossible for it to be alive
But crumbling of dirt revealed some fingers five
Then an arm came from the garden topsoil
And my stomach began to roil

I swear I saw a skull
(I saw a skull) My walk is never dull
(I saw a skull) Is my brain just too full?
(I saw a skull) I swear I saw a skull

Maybe kids were having fun? (Wa hoo, tennis shoe)
Halloween had just begun (Wa hoo, tennis shoe)
But if it was legit, then I needed to run
The scene was scary, then I noticed the sounds
Clinking of chains, backed by some baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
And all I wanted was to stay alive!

I swear I saw a skull
(I saw a skull) My walk is never dull
(I saw a skull) Is my brain just too full?
(I saw a skull) I swear I saw a skull
Out from the garden, a voice did ring
But I was troubled by just one thing
I’m pretty sure my knees were gelatin. Voice said
"It’s not a real skull, it’s a plastic skeleton!”

I swear I saw a skull
(I saw a skull) My walk is never dull
(I saw a skull) Is my brain just too full?
(I saw a skull) I swear I saw a skull

Now everything's cool, I’m a part of the show
I scream in fright and cry out in woe!
For you, the living, this show was meant too
When you get to the door, tell them Boris sent you

Then you can see a skull
(I saw a skull) The walk is never dull
(There is a skull) Is your brain just too full?
(There is a skull) Then you can see a skull
Garden with white rock that has three dark circles on it, making it look like the top of a skull poking out of the dirt. Skeletal arm and hands have been drawn in to look like a skeleton is rising from a grave.
(Seriously, though, that rock in my neighbour’s garden gives me the creeps!)

Five Haunted Tree Trunks

(Parody of Five Little Pumpkins)

Five haunted tree trunks in the neighborhood,

The first one is a mummy made of wood,

Silver birch tree with gaps in bark that look like eyes and a mouth. Bandaged arms have been doodled in.

The second one says, “Would you like to have some fun?”

Another silver birch, this time with gaps in the bark that look like a scary clown face. Red clown hair and a red balloon have been doodled in.

The third one says, “It’s time for you to run,”

Gnarled tree bark with holes that look like two wide eyes, a nose and an open mouth. Red pupils have been doodled in.

The fourth one likes to howl and shriek and yell,

Tree with a huge gaping hole that looks like a screaming mouth. A cut branch looks like an eye. Second eye, angry eyebrows and excited arms have been doodled in .

The fifth one is a demon straight from Hell,

Tree with a gaping hole that looks like a screaming mouth. Branches look like arms thrown back. Red eyes and angry eyebrows have been doodled in.

Ooh-Ooh goes the wind,

In darkness of night

And the five haunted tree trunks give you a fright.