You’ll Never Look at a Turkey the Same Way Again

I know I promised a month of Halloween posts, but today is Thanksgiving here in Canada, so it feels like I should post something turkey-related. So, in true Franken-spirit, I have combined the two. Behold, my two best (worst?) Halloween turkey jokes and an image that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

What happens to turkeys when they die?

They become poultry-geists.

What do turkeys dress up as for Halloween?

Gobblins.

Close-up of a turkey's head in profile. Its ear looks like a second eye, and its wattle is stretched tight, giving the appearance of a screaming mouth. Eyebrows and excited arms have been doodled in. Speech bubble covers part of the beak and says, "Those jokes are FOWL" Spelled F O W L.

Something is Watching Me

(Parody of Somebody’s Watchin’ Me by Rockwell)

I’m just an average girl, with an average life,
Taking care of my kids, oh yeah, kicka** housewife.
All I want is to be left alone, everywhere I roam,
But why do I always feel
Like I’m in the Twilight Zone?

I always feel like something is watching me
And I have no privacy
I always feel like something is watching me
Is it just a dream?

When I go out at night
I sometimes get a fright
People shopping in the store I'm trying to avoid
Or can the stock on the shelving see me,
Or am I just paranoid?
Row of Ikea storage bins with air holes that look like meh eyes and mouth. Angry eyebrows have been doodled in.
When I order takeout,
I'm afraid to eat my food
Cause I might open my bag and find dinner in a mood.
Styrofoam takeout container whose nubs for holding it closed look like eyes. A crack in the container looks like a nose. Angry eyebrows have been doodled in.
People say I'm crazy, just a little touch
But have you ever heard of pareidolia much?
That's why...

I always feel like something is watching me
And I have no privacy
I always feel like something is watching me
Where will the faces be?

I don't know anymore!
Are the houses watching me?
Two story house with upstairs windows that look like eyes over a long window mustache and triple window mouth. Angry eyebrows have been doodled in.
What’s watching
Well is the back fence watching me?
Wooden fence with two knot holes that look like eyes and another that could be a nostril or beauty mark. Angry eyebrows and mouth have been doodled in.
Tell me what's watching
And I don't feel safe anymore, am I a ditz?
I wonder what's watching me now
What?
Some dinner bits?!
Cutting board with some leftover cabbage bits that look like two eyes over an angry mouth. Angry eyebrows have been doodled in.
I always feel like something is watching me
And I have no privacy
I always feel like something is watching me
Tell me is it just a dream?

I always feel like something is watching me
And I have no privacy
I always feel like something is watching me
Where will the faces be?

I always feel like something is watching me
Oooh, whoa-oa-oa
I always feel like something is watching me
Tell me, can it be?
I always feel like something is watching me

Don’t Bite My Head Off

Something about this picture is bugging me. Just got this creeping feeling there’s more here than meets the eye. Maybe if I divide it insections? Nope. Ugh. This kind of failure just can’t fly. I guess I’ll just have to pray for forgiveness.

On second thought, never mind. I’m sure someone will jump in the comments to mantisplain.

A picture of three green berries hanging in a triangular formation looking like the head of a praying mantis. Antennae and outlines of head and foreleg have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Mantis Dating Advice: Never lose your head over a pretty girl."

Rorschach Test

Sometimes I think the faces I see are like some kind of Rorschach Test, providing a window into my deepest thoughts.

Like this duck’s foot (flipper?) print.

Duck footprint in snow, webbed toes pointing toward bottom of screen.

Perfectly normal duck print.

Or is it a cartoony ghost?

Duck's footprint with two round black eyes and a round black mouth doodled on, so it looks like a cartoon ghost.

Of course, that’s only if you look at in that direction. If you turn it, you get something else entirely.

Picture turned so webbed feet point to right. Top toe is forehead, middle toe is nose, bottom toe is chin. Eyes, mouth and witch's hat have been doodled on top,

But wait, there’s more. Looking at it from another angle, I see, look at that. Another ghost.

This time webbed toes are pointing at top of screen., forming hands and head of cartoony ghost.

And, of course, we have to check out the final direction.

Two words:

Vampire Elvis.

Webbed toes point to left. Top toe is hair, middle is nose, bottom is chin. Doodled on hair, eye, mouth with pointy tooth, big collar.

Now, some of you may think this means I need therapy. (Fair.) But to the rest of you, it’s probably obvious what my problem is:

I’ve got Halloween on my mind!!!

So prepare for a month of creepy crawly, unearthly, haunted, and/or horrifying posts.

Castle With a Face

(Parody of Castle on a Cloud from Les Miserables)

There is a castle with a face
I like its shocked look of surprise
Aren’t any lids to close its eyes
Not in my castle with a face.
Toy castle tower with two windows that look like wide eyes, over a wider window that looks like a gaping mouth. A crenellated balcony forms a jutting jaw.
There is a tower all upset
Holds court to grumble and to fret,
With hard-set jaw and an angry brow,
He says to all, “I see you want a row!”
I know a toy that looks at me,
I know a toy that interacts.
Toys that interact are pretty ace,
Just like my castle with a face.
Opposite tower of the castle with an extra piece that looks like an angry brow. Speech bubble says, "You'd be upset too, if you'd been de-moated at work!"