I know I promised a month of Halloween posts, but today is Thanksgiving here in Canada, so it feels like I should post something turkey-related. So, in true Franken-spirit, I have combined the two. Behold, my two best (worst?) Halloween turkey jokes and an image that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
What happens to turkeys when they die?
They become poultry-geists.
What do turkeys dress up as for Halloween?
(Parody of Somebody’s Watchin’ Me by Rockwell)
I’m just an average girl, with an average life, Taking care of my kids, oh yeah, kicka** housewife. All I want is to be left alone, everywhere I roam, But why do I always feel Like I’m in the Twilight Zone? I always feel like something is watching me And I have no privacy I always feel like something is watching me Is it just a dream? When I go out at night I sometimes get a fright People shopping in the store I'm trying to avoid Or can the stock on the shelving see me, Or am I just paranoid?
When I order takeout, I'm afraid to eat my food Cause I might open my bag and find dinner in a mood.
People say I'm crazy, just a little touch But have you ever heard of pareidolia much? That's why... I always feel like something is watching me And I have no privacy I always feel like something is watching me Where will the faces be? I don't know anymore! Are the houses watching me?
Tell me what's watching And I don't feel safe anymore, am I a ditz? I wonder what's watching me now What? Some dinner bits?!
I always feel like something is watching me And I have no privacy I always feel like something is watching me Tell me is it just a dream? I always feel like something is watching me And I have no privacy I always feel like something is watching me Where will the faces be? I always feel like something is watching me Oooh, whoa-oa-oa I always feel like something is watching me Tell me, can it be? I always feel like something is watching me
…but never a Monster Car.
Something about this picture is bugging me. Just got this creeping feeling there’s more here than meets the eye. Maybe if I divide it insections? Nope. Ugh. This kind of failure just can’t fly. I guess I’ll just have to pray for forgiveness.
On second thought, never mind. I’m sure someone will jump in the comments to mantisplain.
Sometimes I think the faces I see are like some kind of Rorschach Test, providing a window into my deepest thoughts.
Like this duck’s foot (flipper?) print.
Perfectly normal duck print.
Or is it a cartoony ghost?
Of course, that’s only if you look at in that direction. If you turn it, you get something else entirely.
But wait, there’s more. Looking at it from another angle, I see, look at that. Another ghost.
And, of course, we have to check out the final direction.
Now, some of you may think this means I need therapy. (Fair.) But to the rest of you, it’s probably obvious what my problem is:
I’ve got Halloween on my mind!!!
So prepare for a month of creepy crawly, unearthly, haunted, and/or horrifying posts.
Once a stool was just so even-keeled
People sat on it, stood on it, or kneeled,
It was such a prize
It helped teams exercise,
The stool was outstanding in its field.
(Parody of Castle on a Cloud from Les Miserables)
There is a castle with a face I like its shocked look of surprise Aren’t any lids to close its eyes Not in my castle with a face.
There is a tower all upset Holds court to grumble and to fret, With hard-set jaw and an angry brow, He says to all, “I see you want a row!” I know a toy that looks at me, I know a toy that interacts. Toys that interact are pretty ace, Just like my castle with a face.