Emotional Post

Good morning, everyone. Thank you for coming out to our Emoji Stand-In Auditions. As you already know, our current emojis have been working hard, and would like the chance for a break, so we’re hoping to find some lookalikes to temporarily take over for smaller appearances: texts, DMs, that kind of thing.

Let’s see who’s first. Shocked?

Not bad. There are a few key differences, though that might make it obvious you’re not the original.

Wooden circle from a model kit, with two large circle eyes, a jagged circle mouth, and a smaller circle "beauty mark" beside the mouth. Speech bubble says, "I can't help it, it's a beauty mark!"

Be that as it may, it’s not your only identifying feature. *CoughMouthCough*

Unfortunately this is a very subjective business, and we owe it to our clients to only cast actors who will be able to replace them unnoticed.

Moving on.

Let’s see WTF.

All right, I can kind of see the resemblance, but I think you’re missing a few key features. Like a head.

Who’s next? Sad? Go ahead.

Now we’re getting closer. Not bad shape, decent brow work, colour’s a bit off, but we could work with that…

Can you cry on demand? Let’s see some tears.

Same sad pickle face. Speech bubble says, "I'm not really much of a crier."

Well, sorry, but I’m afraid you’re out. Can’t have a sad emoji who can’t cry.

Next!

Somebody give me something happy.

You’ve got the expression down pat. Come back when you’ve taken care of those wrinkles. Maybe see if you can get a colour enhancement while you’re at it. Then we’ll talk.

Right. I think that wraps up our auditions for today. Thanks for coming out. While we didn’t manage to cast any lookalikes today, a few of you made strong showings. Keep practicing, get some work done, and maybe we’ll be seeing you in texts soon!

The Toaster Zone

 You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of smell and taste but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of pareidolia. Next stop, the Toaster Zone!

Imagine if you will, a toaster. At first glance, a regular, run of the mill toaster. One with a happy face of levers and dials.

A two-slice toaster whose levers look like eyes. A moustache has been doodled onto the "doneness" dials. Speech bubble says, "Crust me, I'm a professional."

But on closer inspection one finds a mysterious surprise inside its depths. Four satisfied smilers sucking on straws.

Same toaster, this time showing the toast slots. Inside each slot is what looks like a smiley face with a straw coming out of its mouth. Angry eyebrows have been doodled in.

What substance could those straw-sippers be slurping?

Perhaps something as simple as sangria.

Or perhaps something more sinister…Like souls.

Perhaps we will never know.

But it makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Just how normal is your toaster? Just how normal are the appliances you use every day inside your own home?

Road Rage

Sorry about missing Monday’s post, I was out of town due to family stuff.

But as I was driving the almost 4-hour route, I began to wonder if there’s ever been a case of pareidolia-induced road rage. Because, let me tell you, after almost half an hour stuck behind this vehicle doing 10 under the limit (and blocking sight lines to pass), I was starting to feel more than a little grumpy.

Back of a trailer. Tail lights are eyes, step under door is mouth. Tongue and hands have been doodled in, so trailer looks like it's saying "Nyah-nyah!"
(Photo taken by kid riding shotgun, in case you’re worried about safety.)

Not to worry, though. Once we got past this trailer, the rest of the drive went off without a hitch.