Not a Garden Variety Post

Welcome, welcome, one and all to the beautiful, botanical, magical, mystical, floral and faunical Zanto’s Zoological Gardens!

Step right up to see the wonders that walk within these walls. Never-before-seen creatures, never to be seen anywhere else! Prepare to be terrified by the hideous beasts within!

Our first exhibit is the Poppillion. He may look cute and friendly now, but that’s only because he’s just a poppy. When he grows up, he’ll be one of the most vicious beasts in our menagerie.

Poppy whose insides look like a dog. Angry eyebrows and dog ears have been doodled in.

I h-opium he doesn’t scare you too badly.

Rosebud with a wrinkle forming a grumpy mouth. Eyes and angry eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "He doesn't look scary to me. Your menagerie is pathetic!"

Sorry for the disappointment.

Perhaps our next exhibit will be sufficiently scary for you.

Next up we have the Pink Pytheony. This creature is the most deadly garden snake ever discovered, and is known for its ability to lure unsuspecting prey right into its nest.

Almost open peony that has been doodled to look like a snake. Speech bubble says, "Perhapssss you'd like to join me for a bite ssssometime?"

See what I mean, folks? I don’t recommend taking it up on that offer unless you’d like to be the main course.

Grumpy rosebud again. Speech bubble says, "Yawn. I brought my kids here for this?"

Let’s move on to the Bearded Iris Dragon, then. But I warn you, kids usually leave this exhibit in tears…if at all.

Bearded Iris that looks like a dragon head. Eyes have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Come closer to the cage children. I've been wanting some rose hip tea..."
Grumpy rosebud again. Speech bubble says, "Snore. I want my money back."

Very well. Since you have such particular tastes, I will allow you to see our most dangerous, most frightening creature. One we normally keep away from visitors, due to its terrifying nature. Are you sure your family is ready for what lies ahead?

Grumpy rosebud again. Speech bubble says, "Get on with it already. You don't scare us!"

I can’t introduce it by name, because in truth we have no idea what this next creature is, only that it was found after a meteor crashed to earth.

I recommend you keep your children close, and prepare yourself for nightmares tonight. Most who have laid eyes upon it have trouble sleeping…

three-pronged leaf filled with spherical seeds that looks like a gaping alien mouth.
Grumpy rosebud with two smaller buds that look like toddlers being held. One says "Mommy, I'm scared." The other says, "I think I soiled myself." Speech bubble from parent rosebud says, "How dare you show something like that to children?"

Sigh. There’s just no pleasing thorny customers.

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